Guys that aren't considered "hot" by social standards often struggle with approaching ladies. This is because the anxiety the feel whenever they make any attempt at trying to talk to them. Also, if a guy doesn't think that he is "good enough" for a woman and does not feel confident, it shows, so basically, if he thinks that chicks are going to ignore him, it will be obvious how he feels and well, chicks will ignore him. Simple, really.
Getting your head in the game is step one. Small talk is one way to start up a conversation with a lady you have your eye on, but don't blow it by trying to initiate a conversation by talking about stupid things like spots or the weather! Star small, ask her name, give her a compliment or ask if she has ever been here before. These are easy topics which you can expand on. Don't ask dead end questions like if she has a boyfriend or if she is here alone. She can (and probably will) shut you down before you can expel your next breath. But that's okay too. You are here to learn and it's good practice, so go out there and just try. It's the best way to get over any anxiety you may have when talking to the opposite sex.
Your attitude towards women in general needs to change. Do not base the female sex solely on the few disastrous times you attempted to talk to one of them. Clubs and bars are no place to have a conversation with a woman or get to know her anyway. Besides, women or girls in clubs are probably the reason you have a low self image of yourself anyway because they are (probably) shallow and couldn't be bothered to get to know you anyway, so forget about that.
The truth is that if you totally shift your focus about what you are after, your anxiety will be greatly lessened and chances are you really will make a good impression. Women sense anxiety a mile off but if you come across as being simply relaxed and curious, they will be a lot more open to speaking to you.
Females are emotional beings and not very analytical so trying to have a technical conversation with her is going to earn you long blank stares. The aim is to connect emotionally with her. Yes I know, men and emotion are naturally compatible, especially in a social environment, but if you are attempting to connect with her at all, then this is the path you must choose. Sounds very "Star Wars", but go with what works when it comes to women and trying to get to know them. The aim here is to score her digits, not her scorn.
Having gotten her phone number is only the first step in the long run. Learning when to use her number and how, is the next step. Texting her from time to time is alright, but texting her daily several times a day may come across as stalker behavior...and she may slap you with a restraining order. So, learn more about her first by dating her a couple times and asking in depth questions about her to learn more about her. This way when you get the next level, texting her "naughty" texts won't backfire on you. I may land you in her bed.
One of the least attractive traits in a man is neediness. A woman doesn't want to be your mother, so don't become clingy or needy. Major no-no! Women want men who are not afraid of being vulnerable, but keep themselves in check. They want a strong man that can be depended on, not a sappy guy eager to share his inner child at every opportunity. There is a far worse fate than being thrown out, and it's being doomed to the friend zone just because she can share her fears and insecurities about men with you, her wonderfully sappy best friend. Ouch!
The last thing you want to do is flood her phone with texts every few minutes with inane stuff. It's going to piss her off. At the same time, don't answer every single one of her texts either. It gives the impression of being easily controlled. That's not a good place to be in as a man, and women see that as being weak. She doesn't want a puppet who is going to dance to her tune with every pull on the string, she wants someone she can respect. Be available; just don't be TOO available, if that makes any sense.
Another thing you certainly want to avoid is being known as the clown. Don't try and be cute and funny by sending her a bunch of cute and/or funny texts, unless they really ARE cute/funny, and appropriate. This will depend on where you are in the relationship.
So be kind and have a sense of self-worth, follow our interaction and texting guidelines and you will soon have your phone ringing and women asking you out!
Getting your head in the game is step one. Small talk is one way to start up a conversation with a lady you have your eye on, but don't blow it by trying to initiate a conversation by talking about stupid things like spots or the weather! Star small, ask her name, give her a compliment or ask if she has ever been here before. These are easy topics which you can expand on. Don't ask dead end questions like if she has a boyfriend or if she is here alone. She can (and probably will) shut you down before you can expel your next breath. But that's okay too. You are here to learn and it's good practice, so go out there and just try. It's the best way to get over any anxiety you may have when talking to the opposite sex.
Your attitude towards women in general needs to change. Do not base the female sex solely on the few disastrous times you attempted to talk to one of them. Clubs and bars are no place to have a conversation with a woman or get to know her anyway. Besides, women or girls in clubs are probably the reason you have a low self image of yourself anyway because they are (probably) shallow and couldn't be bothered to get to know you anyway, so forget about that.
The truth is that if you totally shift your focus about what you are after, your anxiety will be greatly lessened and chances are you really will make a good impression. Women sense anxiety a mile off but if you come across as being simply relaxed and curious, they will be a lot more open to speaking to you.
Females are emotional beings and not very analytical so trying to have a technical conversation with her is going to earn you long blank stares. The aim is to connect emotionally with her. Yes I know, men and emotion are naturally compatible, especially in a social environment, but if you are attempting to connect with her at all, then this is the path you must choose. Sounds very "Star Wars", but go with what works when it comes to women and trying to get to know them. The aim here is to score her digits, not her scorn.
Having gotten her phone number is only the first step in the long run. Learning when to use her number and how, is the next step. Texting her from time to time is alright, but texting her daily several times a day may come across as stalker behavior...and she may slap you with a restraining order. So, learn more about her first by dating her a couple times and asking in depth questions about her to learn more about her. This way when you get the next level, texting her "naughty" texts won't backfire on you. I may land you in her bed.
One of the least attractive traits in a man is neediness. A woman doesn't want to be your mother, so don't become clingy or needy. Major no-no! Women want men who are not afraid of being vulnerable, but keep themselves in check. They want a strong man that can be depended on, not a sappy guy eager to share his inner child at every opportunity. There is a far worse fate than being thrown out, and it's being doomed to the friend zone just because she can share her fears and insecurities about men with you, her wonderfully sappy best friend. Ouch!
The last thing you want to do is flood her phone with texts every few minutes with inane stuff. It's going to piss her off. At the same time, don't answer every single one of her texts either. It gives the impression of being easily controlled. That's not a good place to be in as a man, and women see that as being weak. She doesn't want a puppet who is going to dance to her tune with every pull on the string, she wants someone she can respect. Be available; just don't be TOO available, if that makes any sense.
Another thing you certainly want to avoid is being known as the clown. Don't try and be cute and funny by sending her a bunch of cute and/or funny texts, unless they really ARE cute/funny, and appropriate. This will depend on where you are in the relationship.
So be kind and have a sense of self-worth, follow our interaction and texting guidelines and you will soon have your phone ringing and women asking you out!
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