How you communicate in the online dating world is crucial - the way that you make first contact or reply to someone else approaching you can make or break your chance. That's quite a bit of pressure, so I wanted to send out some general commonsense advice.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Keep it short and light. Making first contact is just to introduce yourself and spark a bit of interest - not where you beg her to sleep with you. If your communication is too long, she'll either skim it or not read it at all. With a short and positive message, you'll get a much better response rate.
2. Ensure you've read her profile all the way through first! A number of times, I've been contacted by guys who've clearly just looked at my photo, and haven't read a thing I've written. This is insulting and immediately writes them off. It's made clear by the questions they ask - usually completely irrelevant things. To make it clear you're not one of those guys, try to refer to one thing in her profile in your message.
3. Make each message unique. It should be tailored specifically to the person you are sending it to. It is pretty obvious if it is generic, and once again is just insulting. Even if you are sending out a few messages a day, you should always be interested in each individual person for some reason, so focus on that.
4. Finish with a question. Remember, you are opening a dialogue, so you need to give her something she can actually reply to. This is something you need to do all the way through your email conversations. Always give her something to reply to, or she might not reply.
5. Be socially acceptable. You are entering into her personal space when you message her, and the same social rules apply as they would anywhere else. Don't try to attract attention by being offensive or confrontational. You haven't earned the right to ask really personal questions, and even though you have read her profile, you still don't actually know anything about her. So please be a gentleman. (I'm sure you would be regardless.)
If you are not sure about your messages try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. Just try to strike up conversations. Holding down a conversation for a few weeks with a girl might be better than anything you've done for a long time. Set yourself up for lots of little wins, rather than for big fails. If you can go on a few dates, that would be great! Don't get upset if they just turn into friendships, because more friendships with females will help you to develop the social skills you need when you finally meet someone who could be more.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Keep it short and light. Making first contact is just to introduce yourself and spark a bit of interest - not where you beg her to sleep with you. If your communication is too long, she'll either skim it or not read it at all. With a short and positive message, you'll get a much better response rate.
2. Ensure you've read her profile all the way through first! A number of times, I've been contacted by guys who've clearly just looked at my photo, and haven't read a thing I've written. This is insulting and immediately writes them off. It's made clear by the questions they ask - usually completely irrelevant things. To make it clear you're not one of those guys, try to refer to one thing in her profile in your message.
3. Make each message unique. It should be tailored specifically to the person you are sending it to. It is pretty obvious if it is generic, and once again is just insulting. Even if you are sending out a few messages a day, you should always be interested in each individual person for some reason, so focus on that.
4. Finish with a question. Remember, you are opening a dialogue, so you need to give her something she can actually reply to. This is something you need to do all the way through your email conversations. Always give her something to reply to, or she might not reply.
5. Be socially acceptable. You are entering into her personal space when you message her, and the same social rules apply as they would anywhere else. Don't try to attract attention by being offensive or confrontational. You haven't earned the right to ask really personal questions, and even though you have read her profile, you still don't actually know anything about her. So please be a gentleman. (I'm sure you would be regardless.)
If you are not sure about your messages try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. Just try to strike up conversations. Holding down a conversation for a few weeks with a girl might be better than anything you've done for a long time. Set yourself up for lots of little wins, rather than for big fails. If you can go on a few dates, that would be great! Don't get upset if they just turn into friendships, because more friendships with females will help you to develop the social skills you need when you finally meet someone who could be more.
About the Author:
For more great advice on how to present yourself online, see "The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles" on Amazon: Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating on Amazon
No comments:
Post a Comment