When it comes to the dissolution of marriage, the subject is most often discussed from the standpoint of how it affects the women involved. In fact, there has been very little discussion of the effects marital breakdown can have on the husbands. There are, of course, a number of very good reasons that help to explain why there has, until recently, been almost no public examination of the male perspective on divorce.
Most men learned at an early age that men are expected to keep their feelings inside. Society has ways of making men feel inferior when they discuss emotional issues, so most avoid any serious discussions of that nature with their other male friends. That leads to them internalizing their sadness. Because of male silence on the matter, society has falsely come to believe that divorces impact men far less than they impact women. It's not at all true.
For one thing, any marriage dissolution can leave the man feeling like a failure. The fact is that men, for better or worse, are often judged for what they do rather than who they are. When they fail at anything, they tend to internalize that failure and it can diminish their sense of self-worth. And let's face it: for most people, divorce represents the ultimate failure.
This failure can cause men to lose their sense of identity. When a man gets married, his status as husband typically becomes the centerpiece of his entire identity. This is often true even when a man has a highly successful career and a variety of other hobbies and interests. When marriages crumble, many men struggle to redefine themselves and figure out who they'll be outside of that union.
Fathers can have an even worse struggle. Often times, court proceedings end with the children's primary care being handed over to the mother. This can reduce many fathers' involvement with their children, causing those relationships to deteriorate. As their paternal emotional needs are left unfulfilled, these men can become angry and grief-stricken.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
For many years, society has focused on how divorces impact women, and paid little attention to men. The struggles of those men to rebuild their lives in the wake of marital catastrophe will continue until society at last recognizes the grief men experience and finally affords them the understanding they deserve.
Most men learned at an early age that men are expected to keep their feelings inside. Society has ways of making men feel inferior when they discuss emotional issues, so most avoid any serious discussions of that nature with their other male friends. That leads to them internalizing their sadness. Because of male silence on the matter, society has falsely come to believe that divorces impact men far less than they impact women. It's not at all true.
For one thing, any marriage dissolution can leave the man feeling like a failure. The fact is that men, for better or worse, are often judged for what they do rather than who they are. When they fail at anything, they tend to internalize that failure and it can diminish their sense of self-worth. And let's face it: for most people, divorce represents the ultimate failure.
This failure can cause men to lose their sense of identity. When a man gets married, his status as husband typically becomes the centerpiece of his entire identity. This is often true even when a man has a highly successful career and a variety of other hobbies and interests. When marriages crumble, many men struggle to redefine themselves and figure out who they'll be outside of that union.
Fathers can have an even worse struggle. Often times, court proceedings end with the children's primary care being handed over to the mother. This can reduce many fathers' involvement with their children, causing those relationships to deteriorate. As their paternal emotional needs are left unfulfilled, these men can become angry and grief-stricken.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
For many years, society has focused on how divorces impact women, and paid little attention to men. The struggles of those men to rebuild their lives in the wake of marital catastrophe will continue until society at last recognizes the grief men experience and finally affords them the understanding they deserve.
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