Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free guys and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that can not be eliminated, but with proper handling and some tweaking of your frame of mind, can be handled.
There are many theories and stupid cures to handle approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? hundreds and months of cold approaches? Count to three and play question games in your head? Hypnosis? Magic ? Come on... There are no quick solutions nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually just one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget all the things you ever read and heard. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you must understand to manage approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by YOU.
Gorgeous girls do not make you anxious, you make yourself nervous. Women do not by themselves emit some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias makes a negative social frame in your mind that when added up, makes you jello at the idea of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your skill and the difficulty of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone just simply is having the perceived level of ability in a task equal to the perceived level of difficulty. When you get this challenge / ability balance, you experience flow / state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. You get bored when ability exceeds challenge. You get anxiety when challenge surpasses ability.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you have to alter your understanding of ability or your perception of the challenge.
If your perceived skill level matched the perceived difficulty level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow each time you approached a woman. But if you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived difficulty level is greater than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you want to overcome approach anxiety, you need to change either the perceived challenge level or your perceived skill level.
4) Trying to change your skill level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You head out and attempt to increase your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed technique to conquer method anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to change your perception of your present skill level then it might work one time, two times, or even a few times, but what happens when it does not? What happens when some girl does not wish to speak to you? Then you're right back to the beginning once again- enormous approach anxiety because you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To conquer approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived difficulty.
The difficulty level you deal with in any task is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're attempting to do something that is beyond your perceived skill range- like attempting to make her attracted to you.
However, if you alter your purpose to something attainable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable chat," then the perceived difficulty will be well within your perceived skill .
That's all!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocuous "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
If you do not get rid of approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day until Sunday but nothing will happen if you do not go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have many friendly, enjoyable conversations with lovely women...
There are many theories and stupid cures to handle approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? hundreds and months of cold approaches? Count to three and play question games in your head? Hypnosis? Magic ? Come on... There are no quick solutions nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually just one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget all the things you ever read and heard. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you must understand to manage approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by YOU.
Gorgeous girls do not make you anxious, you make yourself nervous. Women do not by themselves emit some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias makes a negative social frame in your mind that when added up, makes you jello at the idea of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your skill and the difficulty of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone just simply is having the perceived level of ability in a task equal to the perceived level of difficulty. When you get this challenge / ability balance, you experience flow / state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. You get bored when ability exceeds challenge. You get anxiety when challenge surpasses ability.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you have to alter your understanding of ability or your perception of the challenge.
If your perceived skill level matched the perceived difficulty level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow each time you approached a woman. But if you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived difficulty level is greater than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you want to overcome approach anxiety, you need to change either the perceived challenge level or your perceived skill level.
4) Trying to change your skill level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You head out and attempt to increase your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed technique to conquer method anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to change your perception of your present skill level then it might work one time, two times, or even a few times, but what happens when it does not? What happens when some girl does not wish to speak to you? Then you're right back to the beginning once again- enormous approach anxiety because you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To conquer approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived difficulty.
The difficulty level you deal with in any task is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're attempting to do something that is beyond your perceived skill range- like attempting to make her attracted to you.
However, if you alter your purpose to something attainable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable chat," then the perceived difficulty will be well within your perceived skill .
That's all!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocuous "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
If you do not get rid of approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day until Sunday but nothing will happen if you do not go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have many friendly, enjoyable conversations with lovely women...
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